I find myself so often thinking of all of the incredible things Clara is learning and doing, that I tend to forget that as a Mom I am also on a huge learning curve. Clara will be 18 months in TWO days! That's a lot of time I've had to digest some pretty serious parenting lessons.
As I have friends that become pregnant or deliver their first child, many of them ask me "what do I really need to know!?" --- well, sadly, I have no idea!! Ha!
What I do know now is this:
- I have learned that I cannot protect my child from everything. She will have physical ouchies like scraped knees, bonked heads, and tummy and tooth aches. She will have emotional pain as she learns that there are other people in the world, all with needs and wants of their own - especially with regards to playing and sharing. She will have spiritual hurts as she learns who God is, and questions His motivation during rocky and sad points. It HURTS ME to not be able to make these all better for my daughter. I can kiss the bruise on her head all better, and I can cuddle her when she has a tummy ache, and I can talk with her through spiritual questions, but I cannot make the pain go away, only help her as she learns to deal with it. Hopefully that will help her as she becomes a grown up and deals with even bigger hurts and scary situations.
- I have learned that parenting advice is 99.9% well-intentioned. I remember those first few months after I had Clara, I was so overwhelmed and paranoid that I was doing everything wrong that I took offense to any and all advice given to me. At the time it felt like criticism instead of assistance. (I realize I'm a very sensitive person, I know, I know - I need to grow a thicker skin, it's true.) When you're sleep deprived and dealing with some post-partem depression it can be very hard to hear you're not doing things the right way. And then so many friends, family and strangers gave me conflicting advice and it ends up being even more unsettling because you don't know who to listen to! Now I listen intently when someone gives me some advice - asked for or not - because even when it's not relevant at that exact moment, I've pulled out suggestions I've heard in passing and they've worked! This is especially true as I panic about having 2 children under 2years old. All advice welcome! (What a difference from the first time around, huh?) I've learned that parenting experience is a gift that those with it just want to share. I even find myself in that boat sometimes and I've barely got any experience at all!
- I've learned that every moment IS precious. When older moms and grandmas say "make sure enjoy every moment!" it's not because they *actually* enjoyed every single moment of every single day, but it's because these stages are so incredibly fleeting, and we can only hold onto the memories and feelings by very tips of our fingers as they float away while time passes. I may have cried right along with Clara many nights when she would just cry and cry and cry during that colic stage, but now I picture those soft and angry cuddles and smile. Did I "enjoy" those moments? At the time definitely not! But I do love having had those precious moments with my daughter? Yes, very much so. Now as Clara throws tantrums and refuses to eat, I know that in a month (or six) I will look back at this time and grin and think about how awesome it was that she was becoming a free-thinking independent little girl.
- I've learned that not everyone is a "baby" persona and not everyone is a "toddler" person. This 18 month-ish stage rocks my socks off. I LOVE it. She's busy, semi-independent and yet still craves the connections she has with her parents. She's learning new words almost daily, and new skills all the time. It's incredible and I've never seen anything quite like it. But those early days? I am NOT a baby person, and I accept that now. Bryan was amazing with Clara when she was a little thing, but he struggles with this stage because it's challenging to deal with a rather stubborn and irrational miniature human being. Thank goodness we know our strengths now for when Tiny Two arrives!
- I've learned that different parenting styles are so valuable. While being a relaxed, active, and fairly hands-on Mom works for Clara and I, I love watching my friends with their children. Some hover and are always teaching their kids new things because they are right there showing them. Some Moms are 100% hands off and let their kids learn through experiences. Some Moms let their kids eat dirt, and some moms let their kids eat fast food, and some moms don't care what their child eats as long as they are actually eating something, and some moms are very particular about the foods their child consumes. Some practice ABCs with flashcards, some play trains and trucks, some Moms go for lots of nature walks with their kids, and some Moms like to stay home and make cute crafts with finger paint and stickers. Some Moms like to be social and some like to save socialization for special occasions. What's truly amazing is that they ALL work out. Our kids are all as well mannered a group of tiny barbarians can be, and they are all happy and healthy.
- I have learned that I am long winded and like to take lots of pictures. Does this need further explanation? :)
- I have learned that I've never been so grateful in my entire life to have close friends and family to laugh and cry and celebrate these sweet kiddos with. THANK YOU for loving on us, and being patient with me as I learn. I love that you follow our journey with us and that you let me brag and despair about my child regularly.
Love you all!
No comments:
Post a Comment